Let it go…Let it go…
The answer to the $64 million question. “How do I manage excessive anxiety?”
‘Let it go’, or ‘Letting go’, is a phraseology that has been used throughout the ages to mean many things.
Most people understand the general concept of the negative impact of holding on too tight, to a relationship, to a job, or even a car steering wheel!
Younger generations will associate the phrase with a certain – fairly popular – film starring a princess who used it to explain the freedom she felt in finally expressing her ice-generating powers.
What is “letting it go?”
But what exactly is ‘letting go’ in the context of curing excessive and debilitating anxiety?
In a nutshell, ‘letting go’ describes a simple yet highly effective process of letting go of the obstacles that stand in the way of achieving your greatest dreams and becoming free of the negativity that blights so many lives. Effectively eliminating human suffering and providing the happiness we seek.
Any coach, psychologist, counsellor or any other confidence expert worth their salt will tell you that the first stage to building confidence and belief in oneself, and thus the first step in creating a more positive and happier persona, and therefore life, is to tackle the issue of ‘negative self-talk’.
That annoying – often ever-present – voice in your head that generates fear and tells you to be scared, that you can’t, won’t or shouldn’t; that you are not good enough, should feel differently, don’t deserve, or whatever version of this we individually hear/experience.
Anxiety levels
It would be remiss of me – at this stage – if I didn’t caveat these comments with the fact that the negative voice in your head actually has your best interests at heart. It is, after all, there to protect you. Anxiety is a perfectly normal and beneficial emotion. ‘Normal’ anxiety levels are required to assess everyday situations, scenarios and tasks – and their risks – to keep you safe. The problem arises when that protective response exceeds its authority and starts to overprotect. Thus, creating a whole host of negative emotions and reactions and sending the negative talk into overdrive to the extent that you become encased in your own fear and are too scared to experience life or do anything!
But what if that voice was flipped so that it was a positive, encouraging, supportive, enthused, passionate driver, your best friend if you like, instead of a constant critic? Given that your feelings drive your thoughts, and your thoughts drive your actions, imagine what you could do and achieve if you were able to have a constant flow of positivity driving your thoughts and actions. So that everything you (physically) did was focused on getting you what you wished for. You could achieve anything you wanted to – right?
When you know that you can achieve anything, imagine the possibilities! No more overpowering anxiety. No more energy-sapping and ‘illness-generating’ worry. No more frustration at what could be but isn’t. No more unfulfillment.
Because you can achieve whatever you set your (positive) mind to, you can improve your relationships and financial situation, opening up a whole new world of opportunities.
You don’t have to stay in that job you don’t like; with that boss or colleague that makes you feel unappreciated. You can start thinking about the fulfilling career you dream of.
You can work towards that house, car, holiday or whatever more money means to you. And there is no limit. When you have a constant flow of positive energy driving you, your thoughts and actions, the world really is your – very big – oyster.
This is Utopia. The absolute, ultimate achievement, because it drives everything we do and thus ALL the results we get (yes things will go ‘wrong’ – whatever that means – which is where the resilience and the ability to see the possibility in the NEW opportunity comes in!). And to achieve this, one has to practice. It won’t happen overnight, but with belief, practice, commitment and the will to do it, it WILL happen, and isn’t just the thought of that worth trying?
Try this. You get a negative feeling. Say Anger. Road rage – perhaps someone has cut you up while driving your car. That feeling will grow and will turn into a negative thought. Maybe “I have been wronged, and that person needs to be told so that they don’t do it again”.
Then we’re into (negative) action. You chase that car to the lights and pull up alongside the driver to give them a piece of your mind. As you do so, you are driven by anger – and the focus on the person who has wronged you – that you don’t see the car directly in front of you. Bang! The result is you end up paying for the damage to both cars, and the driver you were angry at pulls away before you even had a chance to remonstrate with them. No doubt oblivious to what they have done and to your anxious state!
Now I’m not suggesting you get road rage, but hopefully, you get the gist!
Let’s roll back to the initial incident when you were cut up. How about changing the record? You might initially be angry but try ‘letting it go’. So what? Does it really matter? Some people just can’t drive; some are just oblivious to others. You know this person will do it again and possibly cause an accident, but that is not your concern. You don’t control this person; in fact, all you did initially is wind yourself up – which is never a winner – and cause an accident that costs you money. Pretty pointless yes? By the way, I’m not saying suppress this (or any) emotion because then it festers. You have to genuinely let it go. Try flipping the narrative. Give it a positive, more beneficial (to you) spin, and thus result. Pour love on it.
Perhaps that person had a medical emergency and simply had to get to point B ahead of you. It doesn’t justify the act or the potential damage that could be/have been caused, but that’s not on you. Let it go.
Try visualising a (physical) hard deck in your head where the emotions bounce off and dissipate, never to be turned into negative thoughts and subsequently acted upon in a negative way.
Presentation dread
Here’s another, perhaps more relatable scenario. Maybe you have a big presentation to do for work, and the – excess – anxiety is starting to kick in. The feelings grow, and thoughts turn to…‘What if I mess it up?’ ‘What if I dry up?’ ‘What if I get brain fog?’ ‘Forget everything? ‘In front of all of those people? My peers? I could be sacked, lose my job, my house. ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!
STOP right there. Can you see how the anxious feeling rises in the body and then turns into negative thoughts? What actions do you think will result from this train of thought? Dry mouth? Maybe brain fog?, Panic? Of course.
Now reframe this and work on stopping that negative feeling at source – at the hard deck. Dissipate it. Does it really matter if my presentation isn’t perfect? If I lose my place temporarily? You will no doubt have done your homework and research; otherwise, you wouldn’t be up there! It’s just a little anxiety, maybe taking the shine off your ideal delivery. So what? Glossophobia – the fear of public speaking was ranked higher than the fear of death in a recent survey! Most presenters get it to some degree, and everyone in your audience will empathise with you and will most likely be impressed that you are up there. More to the point, when you are 100 years old and your (our) relatively short life is ending, will you look back and remember this day rather than those spent with the kids, on that holiday, that adored pet, that loved partner? Does it really matter? Can you just let it go?
Conclusion
When you train your mind to let negative feelings evaporate and thus break the chain of negativity at source, you start realising that most things that make us anxious really don’t matter; you learn to let them go and focus on positivity in feeling, thought and action, you can gradually eliminate anxiety and work towards your very best life.