Don’t worry…be happy……sang 80’s reggae star Bobby McFerrin about the way to a happier life.
Now imagine that. Your life without any of that negativity, those overwhelming feelings of dread, the churning stomach, sweaty palms, headaches, exhaustion and potentially debilitating feelings of helplessness that can accompany our reactions (depending on how severe the anxiety is) to all manner of issues/occurrences; anything from financial woes to family problems, illness, work problems. The list really can be endless.
Anxiety is an entirely natural emotion until it runs wild and out of control.
Imagine a life where all that negative energy is redirected into positive actions and activities; more input into our jobs/careers, more opportunities to go for promotion with potentially more money and thus more options and opportunities to enjoy life, more time and energy to perhaps charge to that dream career/job; more time – and patience – with the family, more time and energy to devote to a new or existing hobby, more time, energy and positivity to make your life what you want it to be.
Life REALLY is too short to be unhappy; many people utter that mantra, but not many actually live it, and whilst life is seldom a land entirely made up of roses and unicorns, you really can make it whatever you want.
No matter what your life looks like right now or how far you are right now from your dream, you can still create your own happiness. HOW!!? I hear you ask. By looking at things/your life differently; by changing your attitude.
ATTITUDE REALLY IS EVERYTHING – CHANGING YOUR MINDSET WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
Read on and follow me – at www.BrilliantBluCoaching.co.uk – and my quest to make everyone as happy as they can possibly be.
Here are my 10 tips to help you get started:
1. FIND OUT WHAT YOU LOVE – YOUR PURPOSE – AND DO IT!
It’s practically impossible to find your own happiness when you spend eight hours a day doing work you are not passionate about. If you’re unhappy at work, it’s time to find a new job or a completely new career. Even if that means going back to school or taking a pay cut, it will be well worth it to follow your passion.
Have a REALLY, REALLY, REALLY good think about what you want AND COMMIT TO IT, what you want your purpose to be, and how that applies to your work/chosen career.
Think about what you like and love, your skills, and your REAL drivers (better work-life balance, more family time, or maybe more time for hobbies). Money is likely an important factor for many, so how can you make money? The workplace is all about adding value, so what value do/can you add to who and for what?
Think outside the box – you really can do whatever you put your mind to.
You may need the confidence to move outside your comfort zone, and that can be engendered, too, to give you the very best chance of achieving your best life. But that’s a separate blog!
Don’t worry if you don’t know what you want*; I coach many, many people who don’t know what they want. You are absolutely not alone. Indeed, this process may well start with what you DON’T want (to commute, to manage, to be IN a team, to work for someone, to have deadlines – whatever your specific desires are), then work from there.
When you find something that drives you, you will be energised, enthused, driven and motivated. You can leave behind the dread of Sunday night/Monday morning as the treadmill starts again. Your week will start with excitement as you can’t wait to further your vocation and career.
2. STOP COMPARING
“Comparison is the thief of joy” Roosevelt.
Your life is not like anyone else’s, which is why you need to find your own happiness rather than relying on others to tell you what happiness means. Stop comparing yourself to others because you never know what’s happening behind closed doors. You may look longingly at a neighbour or friend or even compare your life to a celebrity who appears to have everything you want.
Still, you never know what they have had to sacrifice to get there, what they have missed out (which you may not have done) on to have the things you desire. Read an autobiography of people in the spotlight, and you will rarely find a scenario where an individual has had a perfect life – without pain or sacrifice – and then attained everything they have ever wanted.
People generally share what they want you to see – the exciting and interesting side of their lives, but this can look to others like one big holiday that they are missing out on. Get off social media, stop looking at what everyone else has that you don’t and focus on what truly brings you joy.
3. Make a list!
You – and your life – are amazing! In your own unique and individual way. You just need to remember that. Write down what you have achieved, what you’ve done so far with your life; ANYTHING from raising kids, to travel, an enjoyable career, qualification or just surviving a difficult scenario. Anything.
And remember what makes you happy, what brough your joy and you can turn to this when you’re feeling down and realise just how good you are!
Next time you do something that brings you joy, add it to a list. Then, the next time you need a mood boost, look at the list and choose one of the activities.
4. Be around those that bering you happiness.
It can be tough to make your own happiness when everyone around you is miserable. Proximity is power – you will eventually rise (and fall!) to the level of those you spend the most time with.
Choose positive, supportive, encouraging people with your best interests to be in your inner circle, and you will be much more likely to find your own happiness.
5. Fill your life with positivity.
Consequently, when creating a positive mindset – especially when you start out – it’s essential to build as much positivity as possible around you. By that, I mean the media you see, the books you read, and even the TV programmes you watch.
Bad news sells, and the news generally tends to be negative, which will bring down your mood, as will reading negative books or watching TV shows that are not uplifting. No one is saying you can’t read that crime thriller or watch that documentary about 9/11; just be aware when you watch them (just before bed, and you are likely to take those things into your sleep) and the impact they may have on your psyche.
6. Adopt a gratitude mindset.
Whether you look for the good or bad in any situation (or person), you will likely find it. To create your own happiness, you must constantly look for the good and be thankful and grateful for it.
Think of 10 things in your life (family, friends, a house, car, your health, even a new sofa!) to be grateful for and focus on them.
This simple shift in mindset will improve your mood, relationships and success.
7. Do something for others.
“The secret to living is giving.” Tony Robbins.
Giving your time, talents or money to others feeds your soul in a way nothing else does. Whether you volunteer at a homeless shelter, bring a grieving friend a homemade meal or give a compliment to a stranger, you can create your own happiness by making others happy.
6. Finding a Purpose.
Finding a purpose, be it a hobby, activity, club or perhaps volunteer work, provides a reason to ‘do’. As well as the obvious benefits of giving stimuli, focus, direction and distraction, a purpose can also provide social interaction and help improve social skills and character building. All elements that help build resilience.
7. Establishing – and achieving goals.
Setting goals – as well as milestones within those goals – is a crucial part of creating resilience. Formulating a goal that you are passionate about, committing to it and working (hard) to achieve it (and succeeding) are all key factors in building the belief that fuels the development of resilience.
In setting goals, it is vital that they are realistic and achievable and that you target something you REALLY want so that you are not deterred when the going gets tough (which is likely in any endeavour). It is also important that you visualise – and FEEL – what it will be like when you achieve the goal. After all, feelings drive thoughts that drive actions, so fuel the fire and the goal with positivity. As you achieve goals and create and develop problem-solving strategies, you learn to handle – and more importantly, KNOW you can handle – an increasing number of different scenarios. All the while building the belief that you are strong and capable of achieving whatever you put your mind to.
8. Have belief in yourself!
Belief in one’s ability to handle situations, complete tasks, and achieve goals is vital in creating resilience. It is built up of many factors, including experience, confidence, self-awareness and a positive attitude. Establishing goals and achieving them, applying a solid work ethic, and being passionate about your work fuels that belief.
9. Effective Communication
Really concentrating on what you say, how you say it, and to whom you’re saying it breeds assurity and confidence, which are critical components in creating resilience. Clarity of communication, both externally and internally, directly influences feelings which creates thoughts and delivers actions.
Likewise listening. I mean REALLY (active) listening to what others say builds rapport, earns trust and is a significant factor in the relationship-building process that is crucial in developing resilience.
10. Expressive writing
It has been said that anxiety is ‘suppressed creativity’. If this helps alleviate anxiety, then it helps build resilience, so it is important that one’s creativity has its release. Be it in expressive or creative writing or any other area of expression such as acting, sport, music and beyond.
Looking after yourself and filling your life with as much of what you love will help you develop the authentic you; the one you love and want to prosper – and following these steps to create the resilience you need to bounce back when things don’t go to plan, is the key to a happy and fulfilled life.
Recent articles
BeliefBe